


Totally Tropical Remus in The Caribbean

by WolfstarGarden



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dancing, Drinking, Drunken Flirting, Fluff, Fruit, Hot Weather, Humor, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mighty Boosh quotes in chapter 3, Slice of Life, Totally Tropical Remus, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-04-14 22:06:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14145594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarGarden/pseuds/WolfstarGarden
Summary: Sirius hates the tropics, but not the tropical men.





	1. The Family Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to Totally Tropical Remus for ages largely because I headcanon Remus as being half-Caribbean. So. Here we are.
> 
> Just a little nonsense really. Oh! And looks who's back just because he's a little snot who won't keep to his own stories. That's right - it's James Potter being an awesome friend.

Sirius really sort of hated his annual visit to the plantation. Of course it was necessary to check the crop was secure and go over all the particulars, organise any changes and such which ... and granted, the island was beautiful... But it was just too damn _hot_ and too damn _humid_.

Business and bad weather did not a happy Sirius make.

He found the best way to reboot at the end of the day was to visit a quaint bar. Sirius might have to sweat his arse off, but at least he could do it in view of the ocean with a delicious cocktail.

His hotel bar was a mad crush of people, and for a moment Sirius considered walking straight back out. After all, he had a mini-bar in his room to take advantage of. He waivered for a moment – and was rewarded by someone immediately crashing into him and throwing him off balance.

A pair of strong hands steadied him. “Whoa! I got you... Remus, you nearly killed this poor bloke!”

“What bloke?” asked the lean man who had bounced off Sirius and tumbled to the floor by his feet; a muddled Welsh accent contrasted surprisingly with his caramel skin. “Fuck! I spilled my drink, Prongs!” He held up an empty tumbler, gazing through the crystal with a pitiable sadness echoing in his amber eyes. The glass had clearly been empty even before he fell.

“Moony, goddammit, apologise!”

“Hm?” Remus’ widening eyes swivelled up Sirius’ body. “Oh! _Je suis_ _désolé_.”

“ _C’est bien_ ,” Sirius replied, smiling lightly. He stretched out a hand to help Remus up. “I prefer English.”

“Thank god for that,” said the man who had caught him.

Remus staggered to his feet and promptly – and very deliberately – stumbled into Sirius’ again. Pressing hard against him, Remus curled an arm around Sirius’ waist. “Lemme buy you a drink. As an apology...”

“Remus!” A very sharp tone.

“Oh, but ... James – he’s pretty! Let me enjoy his pretty,” Remus said. He tipped his brow to Sirius’, rolling slightly sideways to smile at James.

“It’s fine,” Sirius said, and it was. Remus felt undeniably good leaning against him – hard and heavy with drink, and he smelled damn good. Having a drunk, attractive man to entertain him would be more enjoyable than watching the sea shifting, Sirius was sure.

Remus beamed and began to bounce towards the bar, fingers coiled tight around Sirius’ hand as he hauled him along.

“Man, I’m sorry,” James muttered, trudging into step with them. “But at least he’s a fun drunk.”

“I am not drunk!” Remus called cheerfully over his shoulder, hair tumbling over his bright, glazed eyes. “I’m just a tropical man drinking tropical drinks in the tropics. I am Messer Totally Tropical. And not _remotely_ drunk, Prongs.”

James rolled his eyes. “You’re gonna be hungover as fuck in the morning, Totally Tropical Remus.”

Remus laughed and ignored him.

Bemused, Sirius turned to James, murmuring, “How much has he had?”

James’ eyes were wry behind his glasses. “Nowhere near as much as you’d think.”

Remus coiled happily through the crowd, complimenting, or apologising to, everyone he passed. He reached the bar and collapsed against it. The bartender turned to him with a teasing, indulgent smile. “Yes, Remus?”

“ _Rhum agricole_!” Remus trilled. “Three. That one!” He pointed at a bottle on the shelf.

Sirius choked on a laugh and James glanced at him. The label bore a black star, white words printed over it: _Étoile Noire; spiced rum; Toujours Pur_. “What’s funny?” James asked blankly.

Sirius bit his lip. “I make that rum.”

“ _Dooo_ you?” Remus said, his voice a conspiratorial flirt. “Must be fate...” he curved his body towards Sirius and pressed a glass into his hand.

James rolled his eyes. “Why don’t we sit down before you fall over again, hm?”

Remus grinned. “Pfft, we want to dance! Don’t we, Étoile Noire?”

“Moony you tosser, that’s not his name!”

Sirius shrugged, delighted when Remus slid an arm around his waist. “Kind of is. I’m Sirius Black.”

“Mm, a pretty name for a pretty man.” Remus’ eyes flickered in a failed attempt at a wink. “Will you dance with me, Pretty Star?”

James’ eyes swiftly darted to Sirius who returned his concern with a winning smile. To Remus he said, “You’ll need to let me catch up first.” He clinked the lip of their glasses together and Remus laughed brightly in reply.

They headed for a table – Remus promptly tripped over someone and a moment later was seized by a grousing middle-aged woman. Flicking an eyebrow, James invited Sirius to join him and they settled on high stools at the edge of the dance floor.

“So.” James squinted at him. “You’re on holiday?”

Sirius shook his head. “Business. You?”

“Lupin family reunion. Remus asked me to come along.”

Sirius glanced at him. “You’re his ... partner, then?”

Laughing, James gave Sirius a sly grin. “No. Old school ties.” He rested his elbows on the table and leaned forwards with a rather mischievous expression – his hazel eyes were flinty. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t act like a jealous lover.”

A burn seared down Sirius’ throat as he choked on his drink. “Urgh. Uh, right... Look, I can see he’s in a bit of a flirt right now, but I’m only out for a laugh. Not that you have any reason to believe me of course.”

James’ smile had an enigmatic edge. “Just so long as you understand Remus won’t be going anywhere on his own tonight.”

Alarmed, Sirius said forcefully, “I hadn’t expected otherwise! Look – maybe I should leave now, while he’s busy...”

Light glinted on James’ spectacles, hiding his eyes. “If you like. Though I have nothing against you staying and I’m sure Remus would prefer that you did.”

Hesitant, Sirius glanced into the honeyed depths of his glass. He had drink and distraction like he wanted. Already hot and sticky and uncomfortable, Sirius decided he might as well enjoy some time with an attractive man before showering the day away.

Remus reappeared without any coordination. Falling over his own feet, he crashed heavily against James. “Ah, Prongs, here you are!”

James curled an arm around Remus, smiling indulgently. “Yes, Moony. Here I am. So, you’re going to dance with Sirius now, hm?”

“Sirius?” Remus looked puzzled and Sirius’ heart sank. “No, I’m looking for – oh! You! Yay, you’re still here...”

Pulling away from James, Remus edged close to Sirius, sliding a hand over his chest. He caught Sirius in a vague stare. “So,” he murmured invitingly. “You were asking me to dance? I’d love to.”

With a quick, affirming glance at James, Sirius shrugged to his feet. Remus dragged him to the dance floor and immediately twined his hard, lean body around Sirius. With a sweet smile, Remus swayed his hips gently against him, rubbing a hand up his neck. “Mm. You’re really hot you know that?”

“Thank you, I’ve been told.” Sirius smirked, unable to help himself.

Eyes bright and unfocussed, Remus yanked Sirius closer. “You aren’t dancing _properly_. Let me show you how...”

Even though drunk Remus danced extraordinarily well. His hands skittered across Sirius’ body, steering him gently. Amused, Sirius let him, breathing in his delightful scent.

Remus’ arm was tight around Sirius’ waist as he rolled his hips forwards, grinding hard against his arse. Remus idly pushed his hair aside and Sirius gasped when soft lips pressed into his neck. Remus said in a throaty murmur, “You look so good. I bet you taste amazing too.” His tongue slid slowly around the hinge of Sirius’ jaw.

Sirius shuddered and took a very deliberate step away.

Frowning with grumpy amusement, Remus hauled Sirius back towards him.. “Where’re you going, hm? Stay and _dance_ with me.” He twined his fingers through Sirius’ hair, bumping his hip gently. “ _Dance_.”

Sirius waivered for a moment, groaning as Remus’ lips skittered along his throat – and then James appeared beside them, carefully peeling Remus away.

“Oy, Prongs!” Remus said, hands scrabbling vainly for Sirius. “Gerroff me, I’m in here!”

“Bedtime, Moony,” James said calmly. He looped his arm through Remus’ and offered Sirius a polite nod.

Remus snickered, eyes boring into Sirius’. “Yes it is ... c’mon, Pretty Star – let’s go and fuck.”

Startled, Sirius blinked, and then an amused, flattered grin pulled over his face. “Ah, not with both of you,” he said. “Ta though.”

Tugging against James’ forceful grip, Remus called cheerily, “Okay, Pretty – gimme your room number and I’ll come visit you after this todger’s fallen asleep!”

Sirius barked a laugh, watching James drag a fiercely resistive Remus out of the bar.

Sirius’ dreams were unusually pleasant that night.

He went to breakfast early the next morning. Sirius watched the incoming tide surge against the white sand as he slurped his tea and thought about how lovely the night before had been. Remus was wonderfully attractive and it had been a long time since anyone had touched him like that.

A man wandered past Sirius’ unfocussed gaze – and it was Remus. Looking like the walking dead, he was trudging along with his head down, presumably looking for an empty table.

A grin split his face and Sirius called loudly, “Over here, Remus!”

Glancing up, Remus frowned lightly thrn slowly approached him and slid into an empty chair. He sighed, “I’m terribly sorry, but I’ve forgotten ... how are we related?”

Sirius laughed and Remus winced. “We aren’t. You and I shared a glass of rum and a sexy dance last night.”

Remus’ face shifted with horrified realisation. “Oh good god ... where was James?”

 “He was letting you make a fool of yourself.”

Remus glared. “Did ... did I..?”

“You offered to fuck me but nothing else you need to be mortified about.”

Remus stared at him, mouth blankly open.

 Sirius found his discomfort idly comical and intensely endearing. “Tell me,” he said. “Am I still pretty now you’ve got your grog goggles off?”

Remus appeared to be debating whether or not to stab himself with the butter knife. Then his tired face smoothed with that subtle mischief from the night before. His smile was flirty. “You’d certainly do for a night.”

Sirius smiled wryly. “Well, I’m only on the island for one more night, I head back to London tomorrow. This could be your only chance.”

Remus twitched a mild brow but his eyes were laughing. “Actually, I’m in Rochester. So there may well be a possibility... But you’ll have to buy me a drink first.”

 “A cup of coffee perhaps?” Sirius smiled. His heart beat just a little faster.

“Oh, that would be great,” Remus enthused gratefully. “Thank you..?”

 “Sirius. But you called me ‘Pretty Star’ all last night.”

Remus groaned and offered Sirius an apologetic look. “Fuck, I’m sorry. Is there some way for me to make it up to you?”

“I’ll let you know,” Sirius said brightly.

Running a finger over his bottom lip, Remus eyed him with a tiny smile. “Actually ... there is something I’d like you to tell me if you wouldn’t mind, Sirius.”

“Oh yes?” Sirius asked, gazing at him.

“Yeah. Would you mind ... telling me how we _met_?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 25 points to your Hogwarts House to the first person who guesses the island they're at.
> 
> UPDATE: Points to Amé for correctly identifying the island! Well done :D


	2. The Morning-After Mango

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Remus gets Tropical the others decide to have some fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set one year after The Family Reunion. The boys fly to the island about four days apart and meet up in the hotel bar as before. Enjoy!

Sirius was woken by an obnoxiously loud chime. Grumbling his displeasure, he cracked his eyes open and pushed himself into a sit. Remus was lying next to him groaning rather impressively.

Another chime and Sirius realised it was Remus’ phone. He stared – sitting on top of it was a large, vibrant mango. “Er, Moony ... what’d you get up to last night?”

“I don’t remember,” Remus mumbled into the blankets. “Whatever it was should have resulted in sweet death. Check that please?” he asked as the phone insisted on attention.

Sirius reached across him as Remus voiced adamant protest and hefted the mango up, pressing it vaguely to his nose as he checked the text. Pausing, he rolled his eyes towards Remus with a slight smile. “Perhaps I should ask _who_ you got up to last night, huh?”

Remus groaned again – then with abrupt realisation cried, “ _What_?”

Sirius read the text aloud. “‘Hey Moony, last night was so amazing. I can’t wait to see you today. Eleven o’clock, right?’”

Remus jerked upright, wincing as he snatched the phone. “ _What?_ ” His warm skin looked decidedly washed out as he read the message.

Sirius raised his brows. “So ... what happened after I went to bed, hm?”

Traumatised eyes edged slowly up at him. “Sirius ... oh, fuck I really don’t know! The last thing I remember was karaoke with Prongs...”

l-l

“That’s your boyfriend?”

“Yep.”

“That guy getting felt up right now?”

Sirius laughed. “That’s the one.”

He probably should have known better than to let his brother meet Remus this way, but Regulus had decided to stopover on the island when his travel plans coincided with Sirius’ annual plantation visit. Remus was there for the annual Lupin family reunion and had dragged James along as usual.

Not for the first time, Sirius arrived to find one of them tipsy and inappropriate. Unluckily for first impressions, this time it was Remus.

They were on a tiny platform, dancing together perfectly in time. Remus was laughing and sipping rum as James sang.

Regulus looked unconvinced. Sirius clapped his shoulder, grinning. “Wait, it gets better.”

As though on cue James punctuated the lyrics by popping his collar. Signature grin in place, he leaned towards Remus and brushed hovering fingers down his fly buttons. The watching crowd hollered and cheered.

Arching an eyebrow, Regulus drawled, “So ... who’s the guy jerking off your boyfriend then?”

Sirius shoved him playfully. “They aren’t even touching. That’s James, I’ve told you about him.”

“Yes, I paid attention to that,” Regulus deadpanned.

Laughing, Sirius went to meet Remus as he tumbled off the dais with James in tow. “Sirruss!” Remus cried, leaping onto him and promptly emptying the dregs of his rum down Sirius’ collar.

“Hello Padfoot,” James grinned, peeling Remus back and giving him a quick embrace, grimacing as he touched the wet shirt. “Oh, christ ... let’s get you a towel or something. Remus, behave!”

“Oh don’t be so boring, Prongs – ooh, hello! Who’s this?”

Biting an amused lip, Sirius watched Remus launch himself at Regulus. Wrapping him in a bear hug, Remus kissed him full and hard on the mouth. Regulus looked panic-stricken.

“Alright, back you get, Moony.” James prised him away.

“But Prongs, he’s pretty!”

“Oy!” Sirius grinned, scooping Remus back into his arms. “I’m the pretty one, remember. How much has he had, James?”

James flicked an amused eyebrow. “Not enough to excuse this embarrassment.”

They reached the bar.

“I’ll have that!” Remus said jovially. He launched across the bar-top and swiped a mango from the bartender’s hand. As he scraped back to the floor, his shirt snagged on the counter and half the buttons ripped off.

“Remus, that’s for cocktails,” the bartender said, giving him a slow, affectionate smile. “ _Rhum agricole_ then?”

“Yes!” Remus cheered, studying the mango dreamily. “Five if you please, Kingsley.”

“Five?” Sirius cautioned, “Moony, I don’t want to be the one to say ‘I told you so’ in the morning.”

“Shush.” Remus silenced him with a kiss, hooking an arm around Sirius’ neck and dragging him in roughly. Their bodies pressed warm and hard; despite the atrocious humidity Sirius felt quite pleasantly bothered. Mouth sliding across his jaw, Remus said, “It’s one drink each.”

“Each?” Sirius asked, blinking dazedly as he hungrily absorbed Remus’ heavy sweetness. “There are only four of us.”

Remus kissed him again, lazily. Then he grinned and held the mango up, swaying as he blinked vaguely at the plump orange fruit. “You forgot to count Yorick.”

James groaned and scuffed a hand through his hair. “Oh Remus, not again.”

Regulus glared amongst them as four glasses of Étoile Noire were stacked on the bar. “What is happening?”

“I’ll tell you what’s happening!” Remus swung and squashed Regulus in a staggering hug. “A great night is happening! We’re making _memories_ , Junior Pretty. So drink up...” Remus pressed a glass into Regulus’ hand before gulping from his own. He suddenly glanced down, head tipping sideways in innocent curiosity. “Who undid my shirt? Was it _youuu_?” He smiled at Sirius in a way that was clearly intended to be flirty.

“It was _you_ , pillock,” James said then glanced at Sirius. “You look shattered mate. Want me to watch him tonight so you two can catch up and ditch the jetlag?”

Sirius gulped his drink. “I want a dance and then I think I’ll take you up on that offer. This weather just takes it out of me.”

Remus pressed his face into Sirius’ neck. “Are we dancing? Ooh, that sounds wonderful.”

“We are,” Sirius murmured, earning a quiet, giddy hum when he kissed the tender skin behind Remus’ ear. “Give your mango to James.”

“No! He might eat him!” Remus cried. Anguished, his voice dropped into a poor imitation of a whisper. “That’s called _cannibalism_ , Sirius...”

“It really isn’t, you mad, drunk bastard.”

“I’m not _drunk_! I’m-”

“Tropical!” James and Sirius chorused. Regulus watched in silent bemusement.

Sirius smiled indulgently. “Alright, Moony, you win. We’ll bring the damn mango –”

“Yorick.”

“– yes, whatever. Just come and dance with me before I pass out from steamy exhaustion, okay?”

Sirius was fond of dancing with a drunken Remus – it reminded him of the night they’d met. Plus, Remus was heavy and malleable while inebriated. He leaned heavily against Sirius in a delightfully intimate press of exposed skin.

“I missed you,” Remus slurred quietly. His mouth slipped along Sirius’ neck. “Why’re you so salty?”

Sirius combed his fingers into Remus’ hair. “Because this island is too damn _hot_. Your family come from hell. And I missed you too.”

Remus hummed against his skin, his hips a rolling sway against Sirius’. “Does that mean you’re going to fuck me tonight?”

Sirius squirmed pleasurably, rocking forwards. “Not in public, boss.”

Remus whined softly and steered him around the dance floor with a gentle tipsy command. Time passed in a wave of sticky skin and fresh fruity scent.

Eventually, Sirius eased Remus off him. “I need to go back to my brother ... I kind of just abandoned him.”

“Oh, yes,” Remus blinked softly. “The Junior Pretty. Can I play with him?”

“No,” Sirius snapped, but he was grinning. “You need to be cut off, Moony.”

“Pfft, I’m just getting started, Sirius!” He pouted sleepily, unfocussed eyes bright and happy. “Off you go then, lovely. I’ll just dance with Yorick for a bit.”

Knowing an attempt to haul Remus off the dance floor was useless Sirius left him weaving a clumsy circle, the mango held in outstretched hands as Remus joyously laughed at his own ridiculousness. James headed towards him as Sirius walked away. They slapped a high five as they passed one another.

“So.” Regulus broke from conversation with the bartender to greet Sirius. “Kingsley here tells me that your boyfriend is notorious for morning-after memory loss.”

Frowning at the non-sequitur, Sirius said, “That is typical, yes. What’s your point?”

A hint of mischief tugged Regulus’ mouth. “Well, since I missed vetting this guy ... I wondered if maybe you’d be interested in a little hazing.”

Sirius gaped. “You want me to prank my own boyfriend?”

Regulus shrugged. “You wouldn’t be dating him if he didn’t have a good sense of humour.”

Intrigued, Sirius glanced across to where Remus was standing with an arm around James’ waist while a middle-aged relative berated him. “Tell me your idea.” Regulus explained and Sirius barked a laugh. “That is truly mean. I’ve missed you brother.”

“Likewise,” Regulus said, his eyes glittering.

A yawn crept up Sirius’ throat. He shoved his gritty hair off his brow. “Okay. Let’s get James on board and work out some details.”

Taking advantage of Remus’ distraction, they shared the plan with James, who actually clapped his hands in excitement. “Brilliant, I love it! Alright then boys – off you pop and get some rest. I’ll keep this one under control and bring him up in a bit.”

Before leaving the room, Sirius glanced once more at Remus. He was holding the mango at face height, stroking it gently as he held a very animated one-sided conversation.

l-l

Remus gripped Sirius’ hand incredibly tight. “Padfoot, I swear to god I would _never_ ... James was around right?”

“How should I know? I was with my brother.” Sirius bit down hard on a grin.

“Oh _fuck_ , I was supposed to meet your brother! I ... I didn’t meet him smashed did I?”

Sirius arched an eyebrow and Remus groaned.

James appeared in their doorway. “Well, hello! Remus don’t you have a date to keep?”

Remus glared at him through blood-striped eyes. “Prongs, what did I do? Who is this person?”

“Ah Moony ...  you’re just too much man for me to handle. You got a bit carried away last night, but hey – maybe you can trade up.” With a vibrant grin, James disappeared.

There was nothing for it but to accompany an aching and anxious Remus to the dining room.

“I don’t even know who I’m meeting!” Remus hissed.

“I would guess the guy who’s waving at you,” Sirius replied. He kissed Remus’ cheek and pushed him forwards. Remus skittered nervously into a seat across from Regulus without looking at him.

James arrived and slipped an arm around Sirius. “Have I missed anything?”

“No, we just got here ... is this too mean?”

“Moony will laugh afterwards, don’t worry.”

Remus was staring at the tabletop.

“Meeting you was certainly the highlight of my evening,” Regulus said, smiling impishly at Remus. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Remus coughed. “Hey, um ... I kinda need to tell you, I don’t remember much of last night.”

Regulus’ eyebrows shot up. “You don’t remember meeting me?”

Cringing, Remus shook his miserable head.

“So what does that mean for us now?”

“Us?” Remus squeaked. “What us? There was no us, please tell me there was no us!”

“Well...” Regulus slipped a hand across the table, closing it around Remus’ fingers; he jumped violently and jerked it away. “You did kiss me.”

“ _I did_?” Aghast, Remus finally looked up. Sudden and complete comprehension bloomed angrily across his face. “You’re Sirius’ brother. That _bastard_ ,” he hissed.

“That’s our cue,” James beamed. They crossed the room and sat with the others.

After an apologetic explanation, Remus did indeed stammer a laugh. He thumped Sirius’ shoulder. “You just wait, you bloody piece of work. I’m going to get you back for that one. Dear jesus.”

“Punish him, Moony,” James grinned.

“Yes,” Sirius said, leaning close and brushing a gentle kiss to Remus’ cheek. “Please do.”

“Later, if you please,” Regulus said amiably, signalling for a waiter.

After their order was placed, James wriggled his eyebrows ... and placed a large mango on the table. Winking at Remus, he deftly sliced it open. Fragrant juice drizzled into the tablecloth.

Remus stared, a tiny crease pulling in his brow. After a moment the hint of a smile touched the edge of his mouth. Reaching for a slice, he murmured, “Alas. Poor Yorick.”


	3. The Rip-Off of Milky Joe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another year on, and Caribbean Remus gets tropical again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this one is for Arty (TPants). Because one time we were chatting about TTR and there was a pineapple and I was like *noooo, I'll have coconut instead*. It was not long after I'd first seen 'The Nightmare of Milky Joe' and I was having so many feels about it. 
> 
> So yeah, here is this. I started it literally months ago and finally had the time/ inclination to clean it up. Please enjoy.

 

The island definitely got hotter every year. Dried sweat itched through Sirius’ hairline, but his skin was damp and sticky. He was annoyed beyond tolerance by the humidity coursing a delta of perspiration beneath his cotton shirt.

This year, Remus and Sirius had flown to the island together. Remus had checked in to the hotel while Sirius went, as usual, straight to the plantation. By the end of the day he needed a hug as well as a room key and had arranged to meet Remus at the bar. After that, he was hoping for a cool shower and a blow job.

Choosing to refresh himself with cocktails was probably not the most practical alternative.

The room was already filled with a crush of people and it took Sirius a moment to locate Remus – there, trapped in a corner by a gaggle of young women, none of whom looked entirely sober.

Relief glowed in Remus’ eyes when Sirius stamped up to them. “What’s happening here, then?”

“Padfoot,” Remus cried, grabbing him almost painfully hard. “This group of _..._ people are quite insistent that I’m sexually available to them. They won’t listen to me, but perhaps you can convince them otherwise?”

Casting a scowling gaze at the women, who all looked thrilled at his appearing, Sirius moved towards Remus. “Happy to,” he said, a protective growl surging into his blood. Curling his fingers around Remus’ belt, he yanked their bodies flush and kissed him thoroughly enough to raise some steam in the humid air.

A mix of reactions from the assembled girls echoed in Sirius’ ears – distaste, disappointment, delight. They all faded under the press of Remus’ lips. Breaking the kiss with some reluctance, Sirius dragged Remus abruptly through the gang of startled girls and headed for the bar. “What the hell was happening there? Where’s James?”

“Napping,” Remus said, looping his arm through Sirius’. “Next year I am refusing to leave the room until you’re here, no matter what Mum says. One of those girls tried to get her hand down my trousers.”

Caught between amused and outraged, Sirius asked, “How far did she get?”

“Far enough,” Remus grumbled. “Places only you’re allowed to go.”

“Bitch,” Sirius said, mostly for Remus’ benefit. “You’re too polite, Moony. Just tell people to fuck off.”

“And miss out on your wonderful input?” Remus’ voice was light, but Sirius knew better.

“Let’s get you a drink, hm?”

“Grand,” Remus said, smiling. “You gonna join me?”

The lure of a shower and a lie down – preferably with Remus – was strong. Still, Sirius figured one drink wouldn’t hurt. Sliding onto barstools, they chatted with Kingsley while he mixed them Tangaroas.

But they did not stop at one. By the time James joined them, Sirius’ dreams of bathing had been drowned in rum and mango and Remus’ sunset-smile.

“Prongs!” Sirius cried, throwing himself into James’ arms. James was _good_ , and Sirius needed him to know that.

“Good god.” James grinned; it wobbled across his face and Sirius reached out to poke it back into place.  Sudden amazement flooded through him as James swatted him away, somehow able to touch him without Sirius actually feeling it. “You’re wasted, aren’t you?”

“How did you do that?” Sirius gasped, before glancing up abruptly. “What? No!”

“Uh huh,” James sounded dubious. “Why’re you wearing a tea-towel then?”

Sirius reached up. He had a vague recollection of Remus wrapping the stripy cloth over his head while kissing his neck... Sirius smiled, struggling to blink James’ face into focus. “I’m co-ordinating.”

Remus crashed towards them. “Got him!” he shouted, swinging an arm around James. In his free hand was a whole, de-husked coconut. “Prongs! You remember Joe de Lait?”

James cringed, slapping a hand over an accosted ear. “What it must be like inside your drunk little mind, Moony,” he said, frowning at the coconut.

Remus jumped away from him. “I am not _drunk_!” he exclaimed. “I’m just slightly ... tropical. Like sunburn!”

“Mmm.” Sirius canted towards him. “Make my skin hot, Moony.”

Remus gave him a playful shove; Sirius toppled into James. “We’re discussing Sartre, Padfoot! We can have sex any old time. Now, Milky was just saying... hm?” Remus turned to the coconut, staring intently into its shadowy pores. After an inordinately long silence, he murmured, “Well, you do make a good point.” He graced the coconut with a dreamy smile, giving a tuft of coir an affectionate tug.

But it simply wasn’t fair that Remus should say _sex_ and then ignore him. Grabbing Remus, Sirius pouted his exasperation. “Moony, you have got to stop talking to fruit!”

Remus blinked, sweet cheekiness curving his mouth. “So are we going to have a silent relationship from now on, then?”

It took Sirius an embarrassingly long moment to process Remus’ words – slowly, the meaning unravelled in his brain. He stalled, unable to decide whether to feel insulted or amused.

Remus waited with a smooth, expectant smile. Finally he gave his head a disappointed shake. “... Nice comeback.”

“Shut up,” Sirius mumbled, reaching for him. Remus nestled the coconut into the curve of Sirius’ neck.

James gave them each an affectionate squeeze. “You’re so annoying when you’re like this.”

Humming contentedly, Remus replied, “I’m an intelligentual.”

A laugh choked in James’ throat. “A what?”

“I’m a unique thinker.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Hm?” Remus’ eyes darted to the coconut again. His face was soft and thoughtful and he nodded, making slight sounds of agreement. At length he met James’ eyes again and said, “We disagree with your assertion.”

Feeling neglected, Sirius tried to get his attention with a rough jostle. “Stop talking to that fucking nut or I’m going to throw it at your head.”

“He doesn’t mean it, Milky,” Remus said, touching his forehead to the coconut. His voice dropped into a clear failure of a conspiratorial tone. “He’s just jealous of our understanding. He doesn’t like Sartre, you see. Disenchantment for truth, yes you’re absolutely right.” Remus tutted and nodded sagely, looking every bit like a madman.

Tipsy affection fed into Sirius’ blood stream. Without a word, he yanked a stumbling Remus towards the dance floor and wrapped their bodies together. The parquet slipped beneath Sirius’ feet in a dizzying rush.

Remus tucked neatly against him. “Well,” he murmured. “We’re alone now. I have to kiss you passionately on the mouth.”

The kiss missed. Remus’ mouth slid carelessly across his chin until he finally found Sirius’ lips. They swayed through an unsteady, haphazard dance. The coconut rasped against his neck, a rough and nasty scratch as Sirius tripped over his own feet and fumbled carelessly at Remus’ body.

Remus held the coconut, and he held Sirius’ belt, and he chewed vaguely on Sirius’ collar. Voice muffled and dreamy, he asked, “Why’re you all sweaty?”

“’Cause you live in hell,” Sirius replied, but he was too buzzed and happy to care much about the stiff salt-itch still on his skin. Remus smelt like heat and honey and was a far more pressing interest. Sirius gripped his arse and rocked against him. “Where all good fornicators go.”

“Salty forfication...” Remus mumbled the words and laughed at himself. “Forkination. Hah, I can’t even say it, Padfoot. Guess I can’t do it then.”

“You can do it.” Sirius leaned back, offering an encouraging smile. Remus blurred out of focus, swaying across his vision like a golden pendulum. “I’ve seen you. You’re very good at it, even.”

A smiling sigh: “But now I’m all juiced up and it’s made me dangly.”

Sirius scrabbled a hand towards Remus’ flies, even though he appeared have lost feeling in his fingertips. “Juicy dangler sounds very inviting to me ... shaken, yeah?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, pretty. Are you trying undress me?”

“Yeah...” Sirius grinned loosely. “I wanna touch those juicy dangle places that only I’m allowed to.”

With an approving laugh, Remus buried his face in Sirius’ neck and danced with deliberate randomness, making it impossible for Sirius to get his flies open.

“You so awful. Awful to me, you are,” Sirius muttered, staggering against Remus as his erratic movements rattled his footing.

“We do not judge the ones we love, Pads,” Remus murmured, brushing his mouth over Sirius’ ear.

“No,” Sirius agreed. “We fuck them. So hold still and let me get your clothes off.”

Suddenly James was beside them. “None of that here, lads. C’mon, bed time.”

Sirius sprawled a welcoming hand across James’ face. James was _good_ and wonderful and looking out for them; it was important for him to know that. “But also, there is no way I am going to bed with you, Prongs,” Sirius said.

James’ eyes darted sideways in confusion – though that might have been Sirius’ inability to focus, he wasn’t sure which. “Right,” James said. “Well, I’m glad. Moony, where’s your room key?”

The hand holding the coconut swung away from Sirius and wrapped instead around James. A strange, disconnected sting rasped Sirius’ skin. He rubbed a hand against it, wondering why he hadn’t noticed it before and whether or not Remus would kiss it better.

“Padfoot, you do know you’re saying all these things out loud, right? Shut the fuck up. Moony, where’s your key?”

“Somewhere only Paffoot is allowed to go,” Remus beamed.

“Well, if _I_ have to go there I will.” James’ hand slipped into Remus’ pocket and after a fractured moment, where Sirius squawked an objection and Remus laughed, James withdrew the key card. “Right then, c’mon lads. Moony, put that fucking nut down will you?”

“Nooo,” Remus said, tripping over Sirius as James began to pull them towards the stairs. The volume of his voice shattered his attempt at an enigmatic tone: “He’s coming with us, aren’t you Milky? I’m going for the coconut threeway.” He threw Sirius a magnificently failed wink. “Prepare for a chafing.”

“I do not want to know what you’re going to do with that thing. Please shut up,” James smiled.

“I want a blow job in the shower, Moony,” Sirius said, clinging to Remus’ arm as he stumbled behind them. “Then you can chafe me as much as you like.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to hear that either. So either stop talking or I’m going to gag you both with that coconut.”

“Ooh,” Remus and Sirius cooed in mischievous tandem.

“You two had better hope that I get drunk enough to forget this conversation,” James said, glancing at them. “Or I’m going to rip you apart with it in the morning.”

They reached the room and James pushed them inside. Remus leaned back to kiss his jaw. “Love you, Prongs.”

“Love you Prongs!” Sirius echoed, wrapping his arms around them both.

“Get off me idiots, it’s too hot,” James said with warm affection. He shook free and slipped away, blowing them a kiss goodnight. “Drink some water and go to bed.”

“You’re too hot, pretty,” Remus mumbled a moment later, pulling Sirius clumsily towards the bed. They toppled into the mattress together, the coconut rolling between them. “Let’s get you out of those clothes so I can do tequila shots off your salty body.”

The next morning, Sirius woke up with a fuzzy feeling behind the eyes. His mind was blurry, muscles aching and oddly cold; the air-conditioning was on too strong.

Sprawled diagonally across the bed, Remus’ head rested heavily on Sirius’ belly.

Groaning, Sirius stretched out – and his hand landed in something wet. Tentatively inching his eyes open, he glanced over. Beside him in the bed was a cracked coconut, a pool of spilt water seeped through the sheets.

Blinking foggy incomprehension, Sirius slowly lifted the fruit. Twisting a hand into Remus’ hair, he cleared his throat several times before finally managing a dry croak. “Uh, Moony?”

Remus didn’t move, but his hoarse voice rasped across Sirius’ hip. “I don’t remember ... and I don’t want to know.”

Sirius rubbed a curious thumb over the split in the coconut shell before dropping it unceremoniously over the side of their bed. Closing his eyes again, he decided Remus had a good point.


	4. The Icy Ring of Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another year on, another drunken Moony getting into silliness. Idek, I barely proofed it. But I has serious fluff needs 'cause this week has been hell (I know, so unlike the rest of them, right?)

There was a fire burning inside Sirius’ mind. It was the only thing hotter than the Caribbean sun beating down on his head. It was enough to make him forget how hideously uncomfortable he was.

He reached the hotel and stepped gratefully out of the sultry air and into refrigerated freshness. His relieved breath strangled surprise in his throat when Remus immediately bounded across the lobby at him. “Sirrurus!”

Sirius’ heart sank. He’d hoped that Remus would have waited for him before starting on the _rhum_. But no – clearly he’d already had a couple of shots and was happily lost in his lightweight’s buzz.

“Moony!” A sharp voice echoed after him. A moment later James appeared snagged a tight arm around Remus’ middle and threw Sirius an apologetic smile.

Scowling, Sirius swept a furious hand across his sweaty brow. “You couldn’t have kept him sober for one evening?”

James returned his frown with interest. “Oh right, because you’re _always_ able to keep him away from the bar. Don’t be a tart.”

“Sorry,” Sirius growled, not meaning it. He glanced from James’ sneering eyes to Remus’ smooth, happy face and his huff of disappointment twisted into an affectionate exhale. “Well, there’s nothing for it now. I’m gonna head up and rinse off.”

“Oh – no, Pretty!” Remus lurched towards him, choking as James’ arms strangled around his belly. His sprawling fingers snatched Sirius’ sleeve. “I’m sorry I was bad. Stay and punish me.” A smile that was clearly intended to be flirty and secretive slid across his face.

“I think my leaving is the best punishment,” Sirius returned. But Remus looked so pitiful, and his eager fingers were so tight on his arm that he relented. “All right then, you fucking twat. But only for a bit; I’m sweaty and tired and honestly don’t want to be bothered.”

“Oh dear,” Remus said. James released him and he leapt towards Sirius, kissing him slow and sloppy with drink-softened lips. Abruptly, he pulled away and led a cheerful, bouncing path towards the bar. With a hilarious lack of dexterity, Remus climbed clumsily onto the top and reached over to pat Kingsley’s smooth head.

James thrust despairing hands into his hair. “For fuck’s sake, Remus...”

“Shush Prongs! Pretty, what you wanna drink?”

“Nothing yet. I’ll have some water, Kingsley.”

Remus’ mouth pouted very prettily; Sirius found it very hard to stay annoyed with him when he was tipsy, and impossible not to want to kiss him. Reaching for his collar, Sirius pulled Remus towards him and pressed his reluctant smile against rum-flavoured lips.

 Remus made some unnecessarily obscene noises and wriggled towards Sirius, pressing ever closer until he lost his balance and slid off suddenly off the bar.

He landed in a flail of limbs on Sirius. He staggered and collapsed, thwacking his head against the parquet as he hit the floor. Stunned, Sirius blinked unfocussed eyes. A mass of hair spread across his face, attempting to suffocate him.

“Fucking hells, Moony!” James yanked Remus to his feet and shoved him sternly onto a stool before reaching a hand out to Sirius.

Taking it, he slowly clambered to his feet, rubbing the back of his head. “Ow...”

Kingsley roared with laughter as he slid drinks towards them.

“Oops!” Remus beamed. “ _Je suis_ _désolé_. Come here Pretty, you need ice on that...”

Eyeing him warily, Sirius stepped between Remus’ knees. “You’re really ruining my night. And I’ve been here _minutes_.”

“Mm,” Remus said, snatching his rum and downing it neatly before stealing Sirius’ glass of water, looking confused. “Why aren’t you drinking, Pretty? Are you too hot?”

“Yes. Also grumpy and in pain now, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Remus whispered sincerely. “What are you thanking me for?”

“It was sarcasm!”

“Ah,” Remus blinked knowledgeably at his shoulder. “My greatest talent.”

Pressing aggravated hands to Remus’ knees, Sirius leaned close and said very clearly, “I’m going upstairs now. Goodnight, Remus.”

Remus swung his legs with joyous innocence, smiling. “Can I have a goodnight kiss, Paffoot?”

Rolling his eyes, Sirius heaved a sigh but leaned forwards to kiss Remus ... and then he jerked back suddenly as painful, dripping chill stabbed across the back of his head. “What the fuck are you doing now?!” he cried.

Remus squinted at him, his slurred voice remarkably patronising. “You need _ice_ on that.” He plucked another cube of ice from Sirius’ water glass and slipped it into Sirius’ hair, both hands tracking cool wetness.

“Moony, you’re so fucking painful when you’re drunk,” he muttered.

“I’m not even drunk, Sirrurus. I’ve only had like ... two of Kingsley’s special tropical things. Mm, I bet you taste nicer than them, anyway. I should be drunking you...”

His fingers slid down Sirius’ neck, sliding the ice cube in a soothing, slippery path along his overheated skin; it was not unpleasant. Remus’ eyes were dark and fazed, fixed on the ice melting against Sirius’ neck. Humming a disjointed tune, Remus suddenly toppled forwards and pressed his tongue against Sirius’ throat. “Mm...”

“Ah!” Sirius was startled, but not complaining. Immediate distraction crept into his brain, narrowing on Remus’ touch – mouth creeping across his skin, the ice stroking under his collar, across his clavicle, down his chest...

Remus tugged his buttons open and scooted his hands under Sirius’ shirt, circling the swiftly melting ice over one nipple. Sirius gasped and swayed. “Moony, what the fuck are you doing?”

Remus’ answer was a tangle of unintelligible mumbles as his mouth smeared across Sirius’ chest.

“Take it upstairs, boys,” Kingsley’s deep and highly amused voice cut through the humidity in Sirius’ brain, refocussing him on the sweet touch of the air-conditioner and the unpleasant stickiness of his body, which had become innumerable times worse with Remus deliberately stirring him up.

“Are you ready for upstairs, Pretty?” Remus murmured, looking at him with seductive intent. His hands continued moving down Sirius’ body, spreading drops of water through his clothing. His fingers dipped into Sirius’ trouser pockets, creeping a tease towards his groin – and too late, Sirius remembered:

“Oh,” Remus smiled. “What’s this?” He tugged the hidden trinket from Sirius’ pocket and flipped open the case. Frustrated panic bubbled through Sirius’ chest, but his outrage was dampened by the frozen expression that caught Remus’ face. “... What the fuck?”

Watching in horror, Sirius saw understanding bloom a violent and increasing anger across his face. Glaring from the box to Sirius’ face, he shoved a uselessly drunk hand against Sirius’ chest. Remus hollered, “You’re an arsehole!” and dumped Sirius’ entire glass of ice water over his head.

Astonished, Sirius stood and spluttered as water drained down his face. Remus stumbled away, shouting at the top of his lungs for James.

 Laughing far too heartily, Kingsley leaned across the counter and passed Sirius a stripy tea-towel. “I’ll get you a Tangaroa, on the house, mate.”

Scruffing the cloth over his head, Sirius slid onto Remus’ vacated stool with renewed irritation. He gratefully took the drink Kingsley made him, fully prepared to just gulp it down and head to his room for a shower.

Except of course, Remus had their key.

Before Sirius could worry about how to traverse that roadblock, James jumped into the seat beside him. “Well, Padfoot, you fucked that one up royally.”

Sirius glowered at him. “ _You_ were the one who promised to keep him off the rum until I got here!”

“Well, I didn’t know you were going to keep it in your pocket, you utter knob. What was that about?”

“I didn’t want to risk Remus finding it in our bag while I was out at the plantation,” Sirius said, pointedly.

James stole his drink and took a hearty sip. “Well, I guess that makes sense.”

Sirius rolled his eyes but his bravado sank as he realised Remus’ reaction was far from what he would have liked. He asked lowly, “So, he’s not happy about it, I gather?”

“Oh, he’s beside himself.” James could not have sounded less concerned. “It was hard to hear through the cocktails, but there seemed to be a lot of ‘how could he do this to me’ and ‘we’ve been together three years and now’ and ‘Prongs you’re my best friend help me drown him in the sea’ – you know how he gets.”

Rubbing a palm across his damp neck, Sirius finally asked, “He’s upset ‘cause he thinks I’m keen on someone else?”

“He doesn’t think anything, Padfoot. He’s too drunk.” Jerking a thumb over his shoulder, James said, “He’s on the patio. Go and sort it out and then I’ll help you put him to bed.”

Sliding to his feet, Sirius gave James a half- grin. “If I sort things out then I’ll happily put him to bed myself, mate.”

James smirked and slapped his arse as he walked away.

Outside, the ocean rushed against the shore, sending its damp into the hot evening and creating an oven of humid air. It steamed through Sirius’ damp hair and niggled at him. Remus was slouched on a table, staring into the darkness.

“Oh, it’s _you_ ,” Remus mumbled stupidly. “I don’t like you right now, Pretty. Please fuck away.”

“You’re a pillock,” Sirius replied. His heart rapped a deep, painful thud through his chest as he settled beside Remus. “But I’ll happily fuck away with you. Do you have any position requests?”

“You on your own seems quite good to me,” Remus said, giving him a dark squint. He leaned forward slightly. He failed to manage a conspiratorial tone, but his voice held plenty enough spitting anger to make up for it. “I’ve been good to you. I drank your _rum_! And I did ... other things, too!”

“Sure,” Sirius said, borrowing a touch of sarcasm. “Well, I got you this to show my boundless appreciation.”

With less finesse than he’d have liked, Sirius fumbled the ring from its box and onto Remus’ finger.

Remus blinked blearily at his own hand. “Why the fuck are you decorating _me_? What about this other person?”

“Moony, you’re an absolute arse sometimes. You know there could never be anyone else.” There was a long moment of silence while Sirius’ blood beat hard, embarrassed heat against his brain. Finally, Remus looked up and blinked a small, pleased smile. Sirius let out a breath he hadn’t been aware of holding. “C’mon, let’s go to bed.”

Remus slithered a hand around Sirius’ neck, nearly strangling him as they stumbled to their feet. “Why’re you all wet?” he asked, tucking his fingers under Sirius’ collar.

“That’s your fault,” Sirius said, tugging Remus close. Remus fell heavy and soft against him, beaming.

“Do I make you wet, Paffoot?” He toyed roughly with Sirius’ shirt. “How lovely.”

“You make me a lot of things, Moony.” Sirius stumbled as Remus suddenly tripped into him.”Right now the foremost of them is frustrated.”

“Wet, frustrated puppy star,” Remus mumbled. He pushed his face into Sirius’ neck and mouthed his skin as they made their way back through the hotel. “Wasn’t I cross with you?”

“No,” Sirius said firmly. “But you’re definitely quite mad.”

Remus didn’t answer, just gave him a pleasing squeeze. There was silence as Sirius mostly hauled Remus to their room. He deposited him on the bed and sat down. Remus gazed at him. “Pads?”

“Mm?”

“Did you put a ring on my hand?”

Amused, Sirius smiled. “Yeah.”

 “Does it mean something?” Remus asked, then: “Can we get another drink?”

“Moony you imbecile, you know what it means. You threw a fucking drink on me because you know _exactly_ what that ring means. And no, you can’t have another drink, you’re clearly too drunk already.”

Remus shoved him ineffectually. “I’m not drunk.”

“Yes, yes, I know, alright. Okay, I’m going for a shower – you coming with me?”

“Coming with you,” Remus murmured, licking his lips. “That sounds very nice.”

 Sirius snorted. “I don’t think that’s happening tonight. Hard to get it up when you replace your blood with rum. I had planned to do this with us both sober.”

“Mice and men,” Remus leaned forwards and mouthed his neck, mumbling, “What were you going to say when you asked?”

“Something, _ah_...” Sirius tipped his head sideways, easing a hand around Remus’ head. “Something terrifically embarrassing, I imagine.”

“Well, I’m sure neither of us needed that then. Done you a favour, haven’t I?”

“Sure,” Sirius said, grinning. He kissed him, long and warm; then, ignoring Remus’ ridiculous buzzed attempts at seduction, he went to shower. When he returned, Remus was asleep. Sirius checked the air conditioning settings before clambering into the bed around Remus’ haphazard sprawl. He settled into an amiable sleep.

He woke in the morning to the sound of a truly agonised moan. Remus jostled him roughly, scrambling around the bed. His arm slithered needy around Sirius’ body and Remus curled against him, seeking a soothing comfort.

Half-asleep, Sirius wriggled him closer, fitting their bodies neatly together.

Remus mumbled, “I’m getting too fucking old to keep doing this to myself. Oh my _god_...”

“So no morning sex I take it?” Sirius mumbled, smiling against Remus’ hair.

“Only if you do it with someone else.” Groaning, he dragged a hand across Sirius’ chest in a dull stroke – and then froze. Remus arched away from him and Sirius blinked his eyes open to find Remus staring at the ring on his hand. His pained, tired expression was entirely unreadable.

Of course Remus would forget. Sirius should have been prepared. An unhappy twist pulled low in his belly.

Then something bright and joyous lit Remus’ eyes. Face warm against Sirius’ chest, Remus snuggled back against him. Dusting his palm across Sirius’ shapes, Remus murmured, “Just what the hell did you convince me to do last night?”


End file.
